Sir Paul Coleridge, a former high court judge, has said that many people wish they hadn’t ended their marriage. This follows a survey by the law firm Seddons that found 22% of those who had divorced wished they hadn’t done so.

We asked our readers about whether they had any regrets and what it really feels like to walk away from a loved one.

‘I never found anyone I loved as much as my ex-husband’

I fell in love with another man, and didn’t want to have an affair, so I left my husband. It didn’t work out with the other man and I have bitterly regretted it ever since (over 10 years ago now). I have never found anyone I loved nearly as much as my ex-husband; it taught me the grass is definitely not greener on the other side.

I realise now we had a brilliant (not perfect, but brilliant) marriage

My ex and I are still in love, but he is unhappily remarried now with a new family and he doesn’t want to leave his kids. We see each other occasionally for lunch, but these meetings don’t go further than us declaring our love for each other. By the time I realised I’d made a terrible mistake (about six months later) my ex-husband had already met the woman who would become his second wife.

Perhaps one day, when his kids are grown up, we might be able to have another shot at happiness. I feel guilty every day for what I did. I realise now we had a brilliant (not perfect, but brilliant) marriage.

‘The hardest part was maintaining contact to raise our son’

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When I got divorced from my wife the hardest part was maintaining contact in order to raise our son. Ordinarily I would have washed my hands of her but as it was I had to swallow my prideto preserve my relationship with him. It’s heartbreaking when people going through a divorce use their children to conduct a revenge campaign. We were very lucky in that we could sell one house and buy two smaller ones with the proceeds. Few people are in that position.

‘Now I can finally be happy – but I can’t forgive the lies’

My ex-husband of over 30 years started acting differently. He was behaving as if he didn’t want to be with me, arguing with me and our son all the time. Finally, I left him and then I filed for divorce. Only then did I discover he’d been seeing his first wife.

I will never forgive him for lying to me but it has been three years since the divorce was final and I try to be civil when I see him. Every day I am more content and stable. I feel now that I can be happy every day. My ex was not happy for the last decade, at least, of our marriage. He made our household an awful place while he tried hard to play out his fantasies of “having it all”.

‘The loss of companionship and intimacy is hard’

I was traded in for a younger model, so I had no choice about getting divorced, but I regret what happened every day in every way. I miss the companionship, the financial independence (the joint business went too) and I have to say I also miss the lack of intimacy. Even if I found someone else, age would realistically preclude being able to build that kind of relationship again. Friends and activities can never fill the void left by the loss of a long-term partner.

‘We were simply wrong for each other’

I’m unhappy with my wife of 30 years. Should I leave? Mariella Frostrup

The fact we weren’t right for each other didn’t emerge straight away because we had a long-distance courtship and marriage, but the more time we spent in the same city the less we had to talk about. He was a kind, supportive man but not an observant or reflective one. I knew I would grow impatient with him, so I left. (Yes, I gave another explanation.)

I still feel bad for the hurt I caused, and I have, on occasion, missed his kindness, but I remain convinced that our marriage would have grown biter and miserable.

My ex is in a longstanding relationship with a woman who is much more like him now. Everyone in my family says she’s wonderful and they’re happy, which confirms that I made the right choice.

‘Don’t underestimate how difficult divorce will be’

I felt alone in my marriage. My ex was controlling and I often felt browbeaten into doing things I didn’t want to. He was also very prescriptive of how I should look and dress etc. Eventually, I went to 18 months of couple counselling to try to save my marriage (I had two young kids) but it wasn’t enough.

What did I learn from it? Pay attention: the person in your life at any time should be your focus

My friend gave me two bits of good advice when I was trying to decide if I should leave. First, she asked what I would advise my daughter in a similar situation (leave). Second, she asked what model of a marriage I was showing my children if I stayed (answer: a shitty one). I was lucky because I fell into the supportive hands of a friend who turned out to be the love of my life. I have other friends who are divorced and now alone. However, I don’t think they regret it, even so. Don’t underestimate how hard divorce will be, but don’t limit yourself (and your kids if you have them) to a life of misery either. Be brave enough to say this is not good enough. Trust yourself.

‘We were still in love when our marriage ended’

I got divorced because of a communication breakdown (that oversimplifies it, really) but I regret it because we were probably still in love when we ended the marriage, which makes it sadder. Looking back, it would have been good to get counselling to help me cope with the separation. What did I learn from it? Pay attention: the person in your life at any time should be your focus.

Share your stories in the comments – do you regret your marriage ending or did you learn a great deal from it?

How often do women cheat? According to Bradford Wilcox, Ph.D. the director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia 14 percent of married women cheat. In other words, the chances of a wife cheating are slim in spite of what you may read on a lot of internet sites.

Wouldn’t it be interesting to know the statistics about how often wives are accused of cheating compared to the actual statistics? And one has to wonder, if husbands were more aware of the low percentage of wives who cheat would they find it easier to trust and let go of any suspicions?

Sometimes a wife’s behavior can indicate cheating, just because there are indications and suspicions though does not mean there is cheating. My first piece of advice to anyone who doesn’t have definitive proof of cheating is to not let your suspicions get away with you and don’t make accusations of infidelity unless you’re absolutely sure there is an issue to be dealt with.

If You’re Absolutely Certain Your Wife is Cheating:

1. Don’t go all alpha male on the other man. Sure, he has encroached on your territory, has stepped in where he doesn’t belong but, threats or physical violence from you will land you in jail and push your wife further into his arms. And, like the old saying goes, “when you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.” Your wife and the other man have lowered their standard, that doesn’t mean you have to also.

2. Check your emotions before exposing her secret. When you discover the infidelity you will experience many different emotions. You will fear losing your wife, your marriage ending and of course the shame of knowing that marital trust has been broken. Concurrent model in software engineering. If your desire is to save your marriage you need to check your emotions and come at this problem with a level head. If your desire is to divorce, you will fare better during the divorce process if you don’t allow your emotions to guide your decisions. Daftar film korea terbaru 2018.

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3. If your desire is to save your marriage I urge you to talk to a therapist before confronting your wife. A therapist can help you process the information and emotions and guide you in the steps you need to take to save the marriage.

4. Build a good support system but don’t share your marital problems with anyone who will listen. It is important that you know you are not alone, that you have a confidant to go to when your emotions get the best of you. Choose a good friend or trusted family member to confide in but don’t allow your anger to cause you to spread the word to too many people. If you are able to save your marriage, you don’t want people judging you or your wife. Your marital problems are your business; keep it close to the chest.

5. Don’t compare your situation to that of others. Marriages and affairs are uniquely individual. What happens in someone else’s situation is not a reflection of what will happen in your situation. You need to develop a plan for personal and marital recovery based on your marriage and your relationship with your wife.

6. Take care of your emotional and physical needs. Lean on your support system, talk to a therapist, do what you need to do to keep your emotions from causing you illness. Eat a balanced diet so the stress of your situation does not interfere with optimum physical well-being. Exercise regularly, nothing alleviates stress and staves off depression like a regular work-out routine.

7. Protect your legal rights in case your marriage doesn’t survive. Whether or not you want a divorce, it is in your best interest to consult with a divorce attorney if your wife is cheating. You don’t have to file for a divorce but a consultation with a divorce attorney will help you understand your legal divorce rights and how to protect yourself and any marital assets should the affair mean the demise of your marriage.

8. Confront your wife about her betrayal. It is important to have proof of the infidelity and all your ducks in a row. If you’ve spoken with a therapist and a divorce attorney, have gotten a good grasp on your emotions, the confrontation with your wife will more than likely go in your favor.

9. Make the decision whether to stay in the marriage or file for a divorce. If your wife refuses to give up the affair, you have two choices. You can give it time and see if the affair dies out or you can file for a divorce and move on with your life. Whatever you do, is your choice. Don’t allow your wife to dictate how you choose to respond to her bad behavior. Only you know what is and isn’t acceptable marital behavior, in the end, it is up to you what you can and can’t live with.